I have just been reading Mike, Lynne and Helen's experiences - I am nearly 50 years old - I am not married and I do not have children although I come from a very large family and I have many teenage nieces and nephews.
I have never written a post on any website before - until now - as I am deeply disturbed by the many incidences of young suicides that I hear about on the news and from friends and colleagues.
I did not recognise it at the time but I was deeply depressed and suicidal from the age of 17 and then for many periods lasting years, throughout my 20s and 30s. These feelings were triggered by the break-up of relationships where I was unable to manage the loss, grief and humiliation. I simply did not have the tools to deal with the tidal waves of grief and felt that my life and my world was completely destroyed. In the 1980s and 1990s it was a completely taboo subject and I had no support and no-one to talk to. I come from a distant, authoritarian, patriarchical family and feelings were simply not allowed to be expressed. It is only now, approaching 50 that I have gained my self-esteem and self-respect.
I am writing because, if I can give anyone an insight or perspective on how it feels to be suicidal but not wanting to feel this way, I hope it can help or have a young or older person take pause and think, before they harm themselves.