Living with someone who is suicidal?

Adrift
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:10 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Adrift » Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:24 pm

This post struck a note with me.
It is the stupid stuff that gets me too.
Tried to buy a smallish tv for my son who is an informal patient and bored as hell but finding one that you can control without a remote controller is tricky (no batteries allowed on the ward) - especially trying to say what you want to the salesman without explaining why you need it.
I'm looking at everything in our home differently now too

Adrift
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:10 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Adrift » Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:29 pm

I've been trying to find a forum like this one for people who have are living with someone who is suicidal but still alive.

Most of them are for people who have been bereaved by suicide - was beginning to feel rather hopeless about it, is that how it always ends?

I think I probably don't want to know the answer to this question but are there always multiple attempts?
I honestly don't know if I can cope with that

Adrift
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:10 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Adrift » Thu Jul 06, 2017 10:37 pm

Thank you Helen for your response and pm
I was at my lowest and in the most amount of pain when I wrote those previous posts.

I had been cleaning my son's room in readiness for him to come home for a weekend break from the ward.

I was having dreadful thoughts going through my head about hard it would be to be in his room if he completed. I realise now that this might be hard to read if your child had completed. Apologies to anyone in that position.

I really was wondering about coping mechanisms though.
- i was trying to keep busy.
- I've been trying to make nice food for my husband and I even though we don't have much appetite.
- I have a folder of note recording who we've spoken with, their roles and contact details and how they might help
- I found comfort in a website that posts "recovery letters" from people who have been depressed and/or suicidal but who are still here to tell the tale http://therecoveryletters.com




What do others find helpful ?

Adrift
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:10 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Adrift » Sat Jul 08, 2017 7:08 am

Helen you're doing an amazing job posting here whilst still going through a tough time with your daughter - thank you for doing this.

Our situation is that we have a settled family life, me and my husband work very well as a team, I don't know how people manage without that support.

It turns out the ward was really not a great place for my son to be. He is on leave with us until his discharge date in 2 weeks.
We are working on getting some support in the community set up as so far he's had no actual therapy.
He did have a psychological assessment Which suggested he doesn't need medication for the depression.

Looks likely that there will be a wait for psychological intervention in the community.

So here we are with all the reasons for his attempt (presumably) still there,
With him feeling worse after a week in a ward of high drama (from the other suffering souls there), and with treatment of any kind a few weeks off at least.

He seems surly and angry with us now in a way that he wasn't before admission.

I kind of don't blame him, he was admitted onto the unit at a weekend with no assessments or therapy available for 3 days - this I guess I'd expect. However No one from there spoke to him about what would be happening to him, no one told him who his named nurse or keyworkers were. He had no distractions in his room (until we got on top of that). He didn't feel comfortable about spending time outside of his room due to how down he was and how the other people on the unit were behaving (nb I'm not blaming them, they were having their own crises).
I'd feel pretty bad if I were put in that position too.

I am extremely apprehensive about the future for our relationship with him, we love him so much and we're at a loss to know how to best support him, on top of not knowing how to keep him safe.

He had come straight from a tier 4 secure ward after a serious attempt on his own life back into our home and he's determined to carry on exactly as before - in no way will he tolerate any amount of monitoring from us.
He went straight out with his mates, although he did come home when he said he would.

There are going to be tough times ahead I'm sure.

keobrad
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Aug 10, 2017 8:53 am

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby keobrad » Thu Aug 10, 2017 8:53 am

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Sarah
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2017 7:59 am

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Sarah » Thu Aug 31, 2017 1:31 pm

:roll: I write this as sat on a park bench watching two young children & two dogs wonder around without a care in the world - am I selfish? How would they know this morning I was shouted at, blamed, held totally responsible for the self loathing my daughter feels. Life is too hard, I don't understand, I don't care, I don't listen, I'm not worth talking too. Perhaps at times all the aforementioned are true, the vast majority of times it's the most absurd thing she could shout at me between profanities and self hate responses. It doesn't stop me loving her unconditionally, as I'd say to her to infinity and beyond however it's hard to take, time after time. Friends say she is a polite, beautiful credit to me, which of course she is, they don't have to live with the daily ups and downs, irregularity of emotions, highs (very high) and lows (extreme lows) never middle ground. In the whole I support, reassure, hold, talk, listen, tolerate but today I'm exhausted. Thanks for being there forum xx

Sarah
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2017 7:59 am

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Sarah » Sat Sep 02, 2017 1:45 pm

Thank you.
I am so sorry to hear you too are having a tough episode again. I really hope today brings a more positive mindset for her and indeed you! The emotional surcharge it takes to deescalate and just listen when the meltdowns happen is unexplainable to those who don't have such challenges within their world, yes we will manage and get through each day as we see the hurt, despair, desperation, hatred our daughters feel and I totally agree when you say they feel try they are 'not good enough' as this phrase is spoken at each and every episode. She can't, won't, not good or clever enough to achieve! I so wish they would see how absolutely proud us Mothers are of them by everything they have already achieved when fighting their demons, how beautiful and adored they are and how regardless we will be here for them. Anyway we continue to reassure and hope they beat this eposode. We have each other on here from afar to keep each others strength, only we know how we feel.
Speak soon, and take care too. Stay safe.
Hugs xxx

amandaen
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2017 4:06 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby amandaen » Fri Oct 06, 2017 9:57 am

My son attempted suicide in the summer. I just can't 'move on', I can't get the constant worry out of my head, it just goes around and around. Even though I try to keep busy, my fear is constantly there. I can't enjoy the good days because I don't know when the day is going to implode, which as you know, can happen at a moments notice. Theres things I want to talk to him about but I'm frightened of how he will react. I'm walking on egg shells constantly and am utterly exhausted. Ive only just discovered Papyrus - I know none of you can make it better, but its a huge relief to know I'm not alone and that someone understands.

Anisha
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Oct 07, 2017 5:40 am

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Anisha » Sat Oct 07, 2017 5:52 am

your article is to a great degree charming and music is shocking. i wish you the best of accomplishment…

Sarah
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2017 7:59 am

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Sarah » Tue Oct 10, 2017 1:07 pm

Dearest Amandaen

Firstly welcome to the forum, I mirror what Egbam (Helen) has written that this is a safe place to express openly and honestly as we all too share similar experiences. The forum can be used in this context to generally offload, debrief, rant, be angry basically express any emotion that your situation makes you feel as we all understand you will feel a whole variety of emotions but underlying most of them is our arch enemy of guilt. As parents we feel guilty we didn't pick up earlier signs of struggle, an innate sense/intuition that our loved one was in so much internal pain they feel there are no alternatives, we bear the guilt of not being able to ever take the thought of suicide away from them and as always the anger and guilt of even feeling guilty as it is all about how our loved one is feeling not us!

Secondly, I want you to know you are in my thoughts (and in no doubt others on the forum). I understand how 'high alert' you must be feeling, how do you ever let that go - this is your son, always your child in this painful, situation.
The thoughts are exhausting you! I too am a trained ASIST (Applied suicide intervention skills training) caregiver and the most powerful thing you can do to any person in this situation is to be open. Asking the direct uncomfortable question 'are you feeling suicidal' is paramount. You sound similar to me (forgive me if I'm wrong) but I cannot even begin to let go of any situation until they have been addressed with the person so although the eggshells will be present, carefully start to move them aside by directly addressing them, don't be afraid to say you care and love him so much you want to try to understand his internal thoughts and want to support him.

Lastly, you too need to be safe, your emotional well-being is vital and I totally understand that the situation will be taking its toll on you. Reach out and seek the support you need!!

Amandaen, be kind to yourself - you are not alone.

Please do contact the forum again or PM if more preferable to talk more about you, your son - anything.

Sending support and hugs through the forum to you.........
I hope to connect again soon

Best Regards and Wishes

Sarah xx

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