Living with someone who is suicidal?

amandaen
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2017 4:06 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby amandaen » Fri Oct 20, 2017 6:32 pm

Dear All Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it and how much it means to know I'm not alone.

The main problem at the moment is that my son is 'addicted' (his words) to working out at the gym. I know how much exercise helps with mental health problems and if he has had a 'good session' he is very upbeat. However, I was aware during the summer that he was trying to buy some steroids online (I do check his emails, although he doesn't know). I have recently found that he has succeeded and he has hidden them. I don't know where he has got the money from as he has no access to any bank accounts. He doesn't know that I know he has steroids and I am terrified of mentioning it to him. I don't want him to know that I check his room and his emails, as I know once his trust has gone in me, I will never get it back. So I am in a dilemma. I worry greatly how these dreadful steroids will affect his head/hormones/body yet I realise that at the moment he feels in control and so is in a calmer place and is more content. I used to suffer with anorexia (I suppose I still do, as it never goes away) and so do understand that the need for control is huge and the panic if someone made me eat or took away my exercise would make me panic and I would get very depressed. When he attempted suicide in the summer, it was directly after I opened a package which contained steroids which he had managed to buy. At the moment I'm burying my head in the sand, in fear of upsetting him again and him taking another attempt at his life. I just need to add, that his wish to die was not just from the summer but has been lingering for about 4 years. He is 17 years old and has been on fluoxetine for around 6 months now. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Thank you for the support and advice to look after myself too - I've taken up running - which really helps, when I'm doing it I'm so busy trying to put one foot infront of the other and to breathe that for that brief time, I can't worry - somedays I feel like running all day!!!

Sarah
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2017 7:59 am

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Sarah » Sun Oct 22, 2017 10:18 am

Dear Amandaen

What emotional support is your son getting? Does he recognise he has poor mental health?
Have you spoken to him about why he wants to end his life? Would he speak to Hopeline? Suppose if he feels in a calm place he won't feel he needs to speak to anyone.
The 'addiction' to exercise is deep rooted as you will know and has many complex issues surrounding control, self esteem, self confidence and how others expect us to look and feel. You have so much to deal with, the fear your son feels suicidal, he will cause harm through internet drugs, keeping an eye on him but with the fear he will find out and harm himself because of it. You say you are burying your head but please seek support, talk to a professional, do you have a good relationship with your GP? Do you have someone to turn to?
How do you manage the anorexia? You are a strong person by getting through all of this and take each day one at a time.
You are gaining your sense of control again by running, would you and your son do some form of exercise together?

Please reach out seek support so you can continue to support your son and able to manage your own emotions.

Please keep in touch

Sending you best wishes

Sarah xx

amandaen
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2017 4:06 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby amandaen » Sun Nov 12, 2017 4:39 pm

Thank you all. Another couple of week of ups and downs but I'm generally feeling a little more positive. My son is talking more about his feelings and we have discussed the steroids. He has explained how important his exercise is to him and how important his body image. I haven't removed his steroids but instead we have discussed how I need to know that he is as safe as can be while taking them, so we leave them in a place that he and I can clearly see and he takes one tablet in front of me. I think he needs to know that we are being honest with each other and that he can trust me, otherwise, he will take it all 'underground' again and he won't be able to ask for help or talk as it he will be carrying the weight of a great secret with him, which will only add to his anxiety and pressure. This does all sound like madness but to remove his control at the moment would, I think, be very dangerous. We have found a psychologist who he 'really likes' and he says that he finds it easy to chat with her, so I'm relieved about that. Thanks to all of you - (I had never heard of ASIST before talking on this forum) but I have a place on a course at the end of the month. Looking forward to going would be the wrong expression but I am intrigued and keen to learn as much as I possibly can, so thank you for pointing me in the right direction.

I met a lovely friend last week and told her what had happened over the summer. She has never had any experience of mental illness or knowingly come across it with other friends and family. I initially was upset, hurt and frustrated when she said that 'it was probably a cry for help' when we all know that it is absolutely not an attention seeking activity or adolescent tantrum but a desperate need to escape the inner pain that they face day after day. Instead of then keeping quiet, I explained all that I had learnt to her (sorry, I hope I don't sound pompous) - when I left, she gave me a huge hug and a thanked me so much for talking about mental illness and suicide and that our conversation had completely remodelled the way that she saw things now. I suppose what I'm saying is that on the days and the times, when we have some energy left that talking about whats going on to people who are open to listening is helpful, not only to us but to them too.

Best wishes to you all xxx

amandaen
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2017 4:06 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby amandaen » Tue Dec 19, 2017 9:00 am

Hello! I went on the ASIST course and as some of you warned me, it was completely emotionally exhausting but brilliant. It made me think at a different level about my thoughts of suicide and I do believe it has taught me the tools to significantly help someone who intends to take their own life. The two people running the course were supportive and informative with a little bit of dark humour occasionally to lighten the mood - which was very necessary. They were extremely approachable. One of them was a HopeLine counsellor and I felt reassured that if the other counsellors were like him, when my son rang, that he would be talking to the best possible people.

I was amazed by what happened on the course, when we introduced ourselves and our reasons for being there, all of the other people were there because of their jobs, they were counsellors, worked in housing, etc - but for each and every person suicide had affected their lives on a personal level. It was a very humbling experience and each person in the group was respectful and supportive of everyone else.

Thank you to the person who suggested that I attend the course, I think it was the most powerful 2 days I have ever spent and it has given me the confidence to never be afraid to discuss suicide and to ask the question directly.

I know this is the most difficult time of year for many many people with the expectation of joy and happy families being thrust at us from every angle. I hope that each of your and your loved ones get through this time safely.

Amanda

amandaen
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2017 4:06 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby amandaen » Sun Feb 18, 2018 7:05 pm

Hello! I've not written for ages, to be honest nothing much has changed. Helen your post is so honest and I'm sorry to say but a huge comfort to know that as parents we are not fighting our battles alone, although at times I have never felt so lonely and exhausted. Your story really resonates with me as there are days when my son is trying so hard to 'fit in' and act 'normally' that he is so tired that he sleeps for hours after he has played his role that the other people expect. The frustrating thing I find is that sometimes he 'acts' so well that people who know how ill he is, almost think that he is better and that I'm just exaggerating when I tell them how it really is - sometimes I feel like a liar but we know what is really going on as we are living it with them every day. He has just had his medication changed from an SSRI to an SNRI - the transition is tough but I am hanging on to hope that it helps. I hadn't realised how strong my hope was, until I was talking about possible future plans for when he is feeling better and my daughter said 'do you think he'll get better' - I thought I have to hope with every ounce of strength left in me (not sure this makes sense when I write it down).

So I finish my post with my love and hope for you all and your loved ones, that the days get better and the light appears once again. xxx

amandaen
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2017 4:06 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby amandaen » Wed Feb 28, 2018 5:20 pm

Hi Helen

Thank you for your reply. I've just deleted the first post as it was down right depressing and no-one needs to hear it! So far as to say, I'm madly looking for light and hope today!

Bless you
Amanda

AzerGoche
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Sep 05, 2017 3:26 pm

Living with someone who is suicidal

Postby AzerGoche » Sat May 12, 2018 12:38 pm

yes many Omni citizens will say that it is Omni-TekOmni-Pol who are the ones responsible for the civil unrest because of their own lack of competence, while remaining very arrogant and unreceptive to the needs of the people. but at the same time there are probably many more who advocate these actions and are pleased with the way the sytems is.

amandaen
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2017 4:06 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby amandaen » Fri Jun 15, 2018 12:12 pm

My dear Helen

I've just logged in and seen your post, (I haven't been here for a while). I'm so very sorry for you and your daughter, what a dreadful time. I know it is now a good few weeks on since she attempted to take her life. I do hope she is remaining safe and is calm. I hope you are coping and have some support yourself. Its such a dreadful and frightening time, especially for you as the fear of finding her having completed suicide is constant and exhausting. I am sending you my love and prayers for you and your daughter.
Amanda

amandaen
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2017 4:06 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby amandaen » Sun Jul 29, 2018 7:17 pm

Hello Helen and all

I saw your post yesterday before the 'shit hit the proverbial fan". You're so right that we need to try to find time for ourselves, for others who are not caring for someone who is suicidal it may be a holiday or a day trip away, for us, its a cup of tea in quiet with a magazine, a bubble bath, a chat with that one trusted non-judgemental friend who doesn't try to 'fix' everything but is just there to listen. I have recently come to realise how important this is, I felt guilty having any time to myself but realised that the pre-flight safety demonstration is important to every day life too - Put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.

I think in our case this is so true. We are often on constant alert and its exhausting physically and emotionally. I went to the doctors recently with tummy issues and we talked about what was going on in my life, autistic suicidal son and death of my mother, she asked me what support I had, I realised I didn't really have any and more's the point, I hadn't even questioned it.

So I propose that each and everyone of us loving unconditionally and supporting our loved ones, take a few minutes each day to care for ourselves too.

Tonight as I go to bed after a tough day with my son who has hit rock bottom again, I think of you all and hope that tomorrow brings us each a brighter day.

with love xxx

Jenny
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2018 8:34 am

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Jenny » Mon Aug 20, 2018 9:10 am

Hello, I’m new to this forum, I’ve been reading the posts and I can resonate with them all.

The first we found out about our Daughters battle with mental health issues, was in June this year.

She had been at Uni and was due to be coming home, when she texted me saying she’s in a mental health unit in the city where she’s studying. We had to go back to her accommodation to get clothes etc, but what I found shocked me.

There was a very hastily written suicide note, paracetamol snapped in half, lots of them and a discharge note from another hospital that we never knew she’d been in, stating that this was the sixth time she’d been admitted to A&E. To say I was upset was an understatement.

The mental health unit had sectioned her and I do believe self harming had taken place, as now she always wears a long sleeve top. She’d always had problems going back to when she was fourteen, she started self harming then, but, as I naively thought, she’d outgrown it, even CAMHS couldn’t find anything wrong with her.

She has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and takes medication for it, in which she does seem better, BUT, as you’ve all said, it’s a daily worry wondering if something will happen.
What I would like to ask is, have any of you found support for yourself and family?? And have you told other people, such as work colleagues about what’s happening?? At the moment I’ve told no one at work and they all think I’m just a miserable git, when really, I’m just worried.
I’m sorry if my post is long and it’s very haphazard, if I was to post everything, it would be about five pages long!!!

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